


The Queer and Magical Life of Sirius Black

by someforeignband



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Coming Out, Everyone is a cinnamon roll, F/M, Gay Sirius Black, Getting Together, M/M, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Soft Boys, and a better coping mechanism, everything is cute and nothing hurts, if you blink you will miss it, james is a good friend, sorry - Freeform, teenage boys figuring out their feelings, teeny tiny sexual innuendo, this is unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 05:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19996612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someforeignband/pseuds/someforeignband
Summary: The One Where Sirius gets stress induced nosebleeds when He has a  S E C R E T -- title based off of The Gay and Wonderous Life of Caleb Gallo!!oopsie this is not edited





	The Queer and Magical Life of Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you're reading this... hi! I have never posted on here before and I have no idea if I'm doing it correctly! anyway! I hope you enjoy this cute little blurb about soft boys and their feelings!!

I felt the migraine coming from a mile away. It was like this achingly dull buzz at the back of my skull, and I can’t quite find a way to describe it that would make someone who doesn’t experience the same phenomena understand. And yet, as per usual, instead of being smart and heading down to madam Pomfrey to get some kind of medication to make the aching cease, I decide to continue about my normal day, you know, stirring up ruckus and all that jazz.

“Nice shirt,” James snorts from his usual perch, a large, well-cushioned chair positioned at the far east corner of the Gryffindor common room. 

I roll my eyes, “You just want to see it on the floor, huh, Potter?” I joke, teasingly lifting the lower hem of the battered, black, Queen shirt, as if I were going to really take it off. 

“Oi!” James shouts, throwing a book at me, “too early for this shit, you Fairy,” he quips, averting his eyes playfully. 

Ever since I came out to James due to an agonizingly long and painful stress headache, followed by one of the most extreme nosebleeds known to wizard-kind, he’s been quick to playfully banter with me about my aptitude for the male species. Absolute wanker, James is. 

See it started in fourth year when he wouldn’t stop going on and on and on about how it was so odd that someone with as good of looks as I have, and as much charm as I do, wasn’t getting on well with the ladies. And well, thus someone finally breached a subject that I was uncomfortable about, ensuing a flood of overwhelmingly painful headaches. 

It seemed that my body’s mechanism for fending off the unpleasant were these intense, throbbing headaches, complete with semi-blindness and gushing nosebleeds. And, when I began going blind in Potions class during the second semester of our fourth year, James began to get suspicious. I suppose that I was more afraid of the possibility that he already knew, about me you know being queer, than the possibility that he didn’t. James was one of the most oblivious people at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and if he knew… then I could bet on Merlin’s beard that everyone knew. 

Back in my fourth year, at least, it felt like the world would absolutely, positively end if anyone, even James, knew that I was inclined to “bat for the other team”. In fact, most of my fourth year, I woke up in cold sweats, having vivid night terrors of Kingsley Shacklebolt - one of the nicest boys in our year, I might add - screaming slurs like “homophile” and “faggot” at me whilst petting a squirrel. Odd, I know. 

And I guess this repressing of one’s sexuality really does a number on the human psyche, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think about eating, I was so afraid. Why? Well I guess, maybe it was because I was convinced that everyone knew. And more terrifyingly, I was convinced that Regulus had found out and that my arse would surely face a belt this summer. 

But, when a particularly fierce nosebleed left me stranded over a sink in the Gryffindor Boys Washroom, I found myself breaking down. I couldn’t live with this, this secret. It really was eating away at me, these physical side-effects rendering me a vegetable trapped to my dormitory and bathroom, desperately trying to avoid the brewing storm, as to conceal my secret for as long as possible. 

But, when I tell you that storm came, it came. And in The Queer and Magical Life of Sirius Black, let me tell you, when it rains: it pours. 

I was an absolute blubbering mess, my nosebleed making an absolute murder scene on the restroom floor. This was a sight to see, fat, wet tears streaming down my sorry face. I dunno, think snot bubbles out of one nostril, blood the other and drool on the chin kind of mess, further terrifying a desperately awestruck James. He’d never seen me like this. Bloody hell, to him I was always cool, always some unattainable kind of suave. I remember him saying, “I think maybe you should go to the nurse,” as he stiffly patted my back as I tried desperately to get my shit together.

However, before I even could stop the absolute projectile word vomit leaving my mouth, I found myself exasperating, “But the nurse can’t fix the fact that I’m a faggot, James.” 

And then the crying stopped. The pressure in my head seemed to release, as I just looked at James. His amber eyes blinking back at me, inquisitive. “Sirius, is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately?” I puts a soft, reassuring hand on my shoulder, “Cause you’re gay? This was an awful lot of trouble over something that doesn’t matter, innit mate?” And then he laughs. And somehow we’re both laughing, and I’m trying to charm away the blood on the floor and it was just quite funny, to be completely honest. 

And nothing that catastrophic has impacted The Queer and Magical Life of Sirius Black up until this point. But, I couldn’t be too sure, as the tension at the back of my skull seemed to intensify, as if something that I didn’t even know about was eating away at me. 

“I’m getting one of those weird migraines again,” I tell James, plunking myself down in a chair opposite his. He sighs, sitting up straighter to look at me. His black curls are still mussed from a good nights sleep, his cinnamon tinted skin practically glowing in the light of the early-morning sun. 

“Maybe it’s just exam stress,” he ponders, rubbing a hand over the short stubble dotting the side of his face. 

I shrug, “I never get stressed like this, usually, though,” I argue, running a hand through my much-too-long curls. 

He shrugs, “Well if this is any help, don’t get stressed about stress, mate,” he says, getting up from his chair. 

I scoff at his cryptic advice, before heading back towards my dormitory. James, Peter, Remus, and I were lucky enough to all get one room together this year, usually being split up for the shenanigans caused in our earlier years. But, most of the staff had grown fond of us, namely Remus and his knack for being one of the coolest people ever, whilst simultaneously being the World’s Biggest Suck-Up. 

I rifle through the drawers of my dresser, looking for something to wear, seeing as it was Saturday and all. I could get away without those awful robes, God they are tacky as all hell. And pretty soon, I’m lost in the thoughts of the events of today, tacky fashion, and the idea of maybe seeing a Quidditch Player naked before the end of my seventh year, that I practically jump out of my skin at Remus’ appearance at my side. 

His hair is remarkably fluffier than usual, the sandy curls sticking out at all kinds of odd angles. “G’morning Remus,” I greet, sticking out a hand to ruffle through messy bed hair. He smiles, the dimples in his cheeks making themselves very known. 

“Morning to you too Sirius,” he replies, his voice gravely from sleep, his demeanor timid. But, his eyes are as bright as ever, shining emerald in the sunlight, the brightness of the morning augmenting the little gold flecks that appear in his eyes if you really look hard enough. Not that I was, you know, looking often. 

I mean… sure, a rather drunken night of his lips against mine made me, you know, gaze up at him a little more frequently. But that wasn’t important, and plus, we both agreed that It wouldn’t happen again. At least, not like that. Waking up still partially drunk, half-naked and sticky, whilst next to one of your best mates is quite the terrifying thing. 

But, I’m not saying that Im not holding out hope that it won’t happen again… ever. I mean, Remus is one of the most handsome boys in our year, it’s just fact. With his strawberry-blonde curls, freckles across the bridge of his nose, those adorable dimples, I could go on. I mean, just look at the guy. He’s beautiful. 

“How ‘ya feeling?” Remus asks, snapping me out of my embarrassing thought bubble. 

“I guess ‘m okay,” I say, feeling a sharp pain shoot from the back of my skull forward. My damn migraines never really do pick a convenient time to start to show up. My hand shoots to the bridge of my nose, and my eyes squeeze closed. “Got a bit of a headache is all,” I lie, quickly finding a sweater and some jeans to toss on, hoping that Peter and James will sod off and stay out of my hair until this headache could subside. 

I walk from my dresser towards the exit, as quickly as I can, so as not to draw too much attention from Moony. I knew that it wouldn’t be of much use considering how I held my clothes in one hand, and my head in the other. I just hoped that I could make it through the day without so much as spotty vision or any kind of blindness. But, then I feel it. 

It’s the soft tingle that starts almost like a ghost of a sneeze is tickling the inside of your nose. But, you know better than to think that something like a pre-sneeze is really a pre-sneeze. I feel the all too familiar sense of something like getting water shoved forcefully up your nostrils, and it starts. 

I don’t even make it to the dormitory exit door, and I’m dropping everything I’m holding, my hands flying up to stop the incessant dribble of blood threatening to escape my nasal passages. I’ve been here too many times, I tip my head back, pinching my nostrils shut as to ease the rush of blood exiting my body. 

Peter’s told me a plethora of different terms for my nose waterfalls, from things as simple as “a stress-nosebleed” to things as complicated to “a form of Anxiety Induced Acute Hypertension” as a sort of explanation for the times that I wake to a pillow bloodier than Remus after a full moon. I’ve always sort of waved him off, though, thinking that his weird obsession with the Pain in my Head would help him out of being a Pain in my Ass. But, beyond that, every time I’d hear his goddamn mousy voice tell me to just “calm down, Padfoot” I about lost it. 

“Keep breathing through your mouth, I’ll go grab some napkins,” Came Peter’s squeaky voice from across the room. I really did appreciate him, I did. But, in times like these, with blood running down the side of my face and getting into The Queer and Magical Hair of Sirius Black, I didn’t have time for a “keep breathing through your mouth”. 

I feel the muscles in my body tense as I start to surrender to the sticky trail that begins flowing down my hand and arm. “Oh god, Sirius,” I hear a worried Remus trod over to me. “Here cmon, let’s uh—” he pauses, I look at him. The worry across his face is evident, I know he understands The Stress that causes these nosebleeds. “Hey, arms up and head back for just a minute, I know you like this shirt but I promise I can get the blood out of it,” and before I’m fully aware, he’s pulling my battered tee-shirt from my body and pressing it to the underside of my nose. 

I tense, trying to push him away as he whisks us out of the room and toward the Gryfindor Prefect’s showers. “I can do this myself, Remus,” I say through the wads of fabric covering the lower half of my face. But he tsks, mumbling something about how I’m making a mess. He continues muttering, ushering me closer to the sink, the elaborate faucet making the scene all but normal. I wasn’t even supposed to be in here. This was all too foreign. All too much. All at once. 

The closeness of his body, my half-nakedness, the extenuating circumstances, it was all too much, especially all at once. Especially, due to the face that it seems that the boy causing my excruciating headaches was trying to do away with one of the side-effects all while it was much too early, he was much too close, we were much too bloody, and I am very much too naked for this moment. 

“Remus!” I shout, finally shoving him back, stopping the incessant busying of his hands to tidy my appearance. His head snaps up, our eyes locking for a moment, I see an apology flash behind his eyes, and suddenly I’ve become the antagonist in my own Queer and Magical Life. 

“I- oh Merlin I’m sorry Remus,” I begin, walking towards him. He scowls at me, wiping his bloody hands on his pajama pant-legs. He’s still murmuring to himself, but now I can’t hear it, and I feel the throb of my headache begin to thrum at the back of my neck towards the frontal lobe of my brain and Suddenly: my body decides that it can’t take it anymore. 

“Remus, I’m sorry I overreacted- oh god almighty please help it hurts,” I find myself rushing out, my hand gripping the side of the Prefect Sink Basin, as my knees knock together. My body seemed to be giving one last, epic “hallelujah” before it’s big finale- whatever on God’s green earth that would happen to be. I close my eyes, praying for the soft touch of Moony’s hand, praying to whoever was listening that The Pain in my Head would cease for just a moment. I had no idea if my nose was still bleeding, I had no idea whether I could even see if I chose to open my eyes, I hadn’t a clue if we were alone, but I knew I needed Him. And in this moment, I prayed for that, prayed for this to all just end. 

And, in A Queer and Magical Fashion, it did. I felt a soft hand at the small of my back, lowering me towards the marble floor. I guess I didn’t realize I was crying until a stable hand over my forehead made me realize that I was shaking like a Chihuahua in weather colder than approximately 70 degrees. “It’s alright, Pads,” a soft voice assured, a tingling sensation numbing the whole of my body, as I recognized a familiar mumbling of a “clean-up” charm being executed.

“That’s better, hm?” Moony’s voice is soft and gentle, a newfound fondness lingered in the air as I slowly opened my eyes. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I whimper. Pathetic. Remus chuckles, and I find myself cringing. Nothing about this was by any means Cute or Endearing. You know, Remus cleaning up the rest of the fantastical mess that I’d made all over the bathroom I wasn’t even supposed to be in, on a morning where we shouldn’t have even crossed paths; whilst I lay helpless on the floor, trying to figure out whether I had fainted or not. And I, Sirius Black, feel so fucking embarrassed: no amount of Magical Queerness could possibly save this moment.

Until, it did. Somehow. 

“That sure was a Bloody Messy way to tell someone you like them,” Remus remarks, brushing the curls from out of my face. And for the first time in my Queer and Magical life, I find myself stunned into absolute silence. “Oh good god Sirius, if I’d have known that exposing how obvious you were about your feelings would get you to shut the fuck up… I would’ve done it ages ago,” Remus jokes, thumbing softly over my right cheek. He smiles softly at me, and I’m still sat, with a thumb up my own ass, not knowing what the hell to say. 

And, in terrible fashion, the only thing that I can seem to muster as I sit up is, “What? You Knew?” Which was one of the most stupid comebacks on the face of planet earth. I was in awe, it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t think of something Snarky and Fabulous to say in that moment, I- I was treading in deep and unfamiliar water. 

“Of course I knew, you absolute knobhead,” Remus laughs. “I was just hoping that you’d find a way to tell me through a crappy love poem, or maybe through an awful song you wrote yourself,” He continues, tucking a curl behind my ear. “You’re an awful hopeless romantic, Sirius Black and I am not ashamed to say that I expected more,” He chuckles, adjusting my cross earring from a mess of tangled curls. “But, I suppose that this will have to do, after all… because after what happened in my bed two weeks ago… I-” he blushes, looking away from me for the first time. And I find my own self-confidence skyrocketing, “After what happened, accidentally, in your bed two weeks ago, I know better than to let you get away again,” I finish the sentence for him, smirking at the red tinge that intensifies across his cheeks and tips of his ears. 

I hear him mumble something rather indistinguishable, and I’m smiling, “You’re going to have to speak louder than that, love,” I say, and we’re both laughing. And it’s good, and it’s Queer, and it is Magical as All Hell, and I am trying to stop myself from saying something I’ll regret. But luckily, Remus says it so that I don’t have to. 

“Now that you’re done being a massive prissy, with that gargantuas bloody nose out of the way and all, can you- are you going to kiss me or what?” He laughs, his eyes flickering away from mine, and I could tell he was worried he’d stepped over a line. “Oh Good God of course I’m going to kiss you, you worm,” I mumble, still feeling pangs of unsureness and insecurity thrum through my veins. Although, I often mistake Insecurity for Courage and Unsureness for Adrenaline, and I’m leaning in. His lips are soft, but not too soft and his tongue is warm and inviting and its all I’ve ever wanted. It truly is the most Perfect Kiss in The Queer and Magical Life of Sirius Black.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I look forward to posting a whole bunch in the future!!


End file.
